The Renovation Dance

Once again. still, forever, I’m doing the renovation dance: working around guys working in the house, working through waiting and hammering and questions and oops. Leaving the house to avoid paint fumes and fresh varathane on the floors. Working at the library, in the park, at a coffee shop.

Somehow my work continues, but it’s interrupt-driven, coming in fits and spurts.

And some days, that’s a relief. I can’t dive into the new project until I finish the old, with its multitude of details, and the endless renos keep me from getting there, keep me, again and again, from needing to dive into a new story and failing. That’s the hardest moment and the greatest fear. What if I can’t? And how do I do it anyway, with all the endless interruptions? How do I simply take that leap, and immerse myself in the new story?

I’m picking away at it, working on bits, pretending to make some headway. Telling myself, no, really, it is all progress. It’s all useful. It’ll help later. But I still don’t dive in. Perhaps it’s a fear of falling.

Maureen